Out Late

I watched a documentary today called Out Late.  It follows five to six LGBT people who didn't come out to their loved ones until after the age of 55.  There was one woman, Elaine, who came out as a lesbian at the age of 79.  In the film, she is 81, and she speaks a lot of her earlier years in the closet.  She married a man when she was young.  She had children with him.  She had an affair with another married woman.  She went back to her life with her husband and never spoke of her attractions to and her desires to be with women.

Okay, so obviously there's a ton of news right now surrounding gay rights.  I don't often throw my opinion out there when people get into heated debates.  I am in a happy and healthy relationship with another woman, and as far as our world goes, we're accepted by our friends and family.  It's easy for me to live in my little bubble and be happy for myself and not have to be one of these people:

(Googled)

Sure, I went to Pride last weekend and I shouted praise at the floats rolling by and I caught the beads that were thrown.  Yes, if I hadn't been tired that evening, I would have danced with the gay boys at the club until 3am.  I have done my small part like giving a small monthly donation to HRC and walking a few times at the AIDS Walk in Austin.  

Did I smile when the Supreme Court threw out DOMA and Prop 8 a few weeks ago?  Absolutely.  Do I believe that my sweet girlfriend and I will marry one day, and it would be amazing if we could do so in the state that we grew up in?  Definitely.

In my group of friends, I was a little late to the "coming out" party.  I did marry my high school sweetheart.  However, I didn't have to hide my attraction to women from him or from anyone else who knew me well enough to discuss my sexuality with me.  There are a multitude of LGBT resources for people who are questioning their sexuality or gender identity or who are already out and proud.  There are communities full of people who welcome people just like them with open arms.

I didn't start dating girls until I was almost 25 years old.  Did I know sooner that I was attracted to women?  Yes.  I came out and I was scared that I wouldn't be accepted and although I had all of these terrified feelings, my life is beautiful and I was accepted and I do live in this happy bubble with my girlfriend and our pet children.

This documentary made me think.  Elaine was 79 when she was finally comfortable enough in her own skin to be honest with herself and her loved ones.  I honestly can't imagine.  Sure, there will be debate and homophobia in this country for years to come, despite any rulings in the Court.  For the most part, though, at least at this point in my life, I'm unaffected.  This will change in the coming years, I'm sure.  But Elaine went almost 80 years of her life hiding a large part of herself from everyone she knew.  In the documentary, she speaks about how difficult it has been to find a woman who is interested in starting a relationship with someone her age.  I just can't imagine having that inner struggle for that many years of my life.

This photo is from Elaine's obituary site.  Apparently, she passed away in January of this year at the age of 87.  She was supported by her family and friends, but I don't think she ever found that love she was looking for.

I really am just grateful that I am young in this time period and this generation.  I'm grateful for the family and friends that I have.  I'm happy that I haven't struggled, and I probably won't have to.  

I feel like a lot of people my age and younger take these things for granted.  They wave their rainbow flags at the state capitol building and they create their adorable cardboard signs and they protest for their rights.  I agree that these things have to be done for change.  I guess I'm just grateful that we are in the time period that change is inevitable, and regardless of the laws that are put into effect to keep change from happening, I do believe that most of our country, and most of the world, will see change happen in our lifetime.